I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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