So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize