becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
