mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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