Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
