she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
