I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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