And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
