where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize