Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
