I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
