Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
