As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
