I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i now understand why vodka
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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