How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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