We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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