He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
