yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
