I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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