When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
