It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
