my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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