So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize