just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
