They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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