insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
