Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
