took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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