Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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