is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
