why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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