his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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