I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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