We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
