Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I want to fling myself into the sun
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
