remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
