I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
