Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
