i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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