Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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