That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
