Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
