you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
