false alarm. still invincible.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
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