My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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