Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
