Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
