Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
