your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
