Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
40s are totally the cure
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
