WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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