More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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