U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
