i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my being single is dangerous.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
