just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just want nice things and good sex
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
