She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just want to make out with him forever
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
