i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he laminated a picture of his dick.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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