What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
where are my eyebrows?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
