Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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