I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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