So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
