New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
