before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
