I don't think brook has ever known best
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize