The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
