moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
